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EQUALITY IS A BATTLEGROUND
ISSUES WITH FEMINISM AND "MENINISM" LEAD TO HEATED DEBATE
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Within the community at my school, the twitter trend of "meninism," which was born out of an account satirizing anti-feminism, had quickly risen to popularity during my junior year. My team posted three questions on twitter one night asking for students' views on feminism. Students began to get into vehement arguments with one another about their responses to the question; it was then clear to us that gender equality and sexism was something we needed to write about. I worked hard with my team on fairly presenting both sides of the argument, and focusing on creating an informative piece that would help students understand the gender equality debate and take an educated stance. When we distributed this issue of our magazine, the school erupted in both discontent with the article and kudos for covering it. This article allowed me to cover an important, relevant issue by finding truth beyond the stereotypical labels given to people in favor and against gender equality and within the craze of passionate arguments for and against feminism. This story was awarded 1st Place All-Colorado honors for Lifestyle Coverage by CHSPA in 2015.
Having a conversation about gender roles is like navigating a minefield. Put men and women in the same room, then ask them which gender has it easier in life, which gender is superior, what feminism is. Everything gets heated.
Issues women face include a wage gap, job and educational discrimination, and societal inferiority through sexualization. Advocating for gender equality is feminism, the social, political, and economical equality of men and women.
Adverse to feminism is what has become known on social media as “meninism,” which pleads for the equality of men. In society, men face challenges dealing with fitting into masculine stereotypes and expectations.
A disparaging mentality that sparks the battle is how both parties don’t acknowledge the other’s struggles, labeling issues as insignificant while proving that one gender is above the other.
“[Men] are not being suppressed here,” Marie Boltz ’16 said. “Have you looked at the political spectrum throughout history at all? And honestly, when there is equal gender equality, there shouldn’t be judgement towards men for being ‘un-masculine.’ Feminism is for both genders.”
Many people don’t consider feminism as inclusive to men. There is a stigma associated with feminism, causing many people to think of it as a radical ideology. There is a false definition of what feminism really is and what it stands for.
“I’d say feminism is not something made up, but I feel like it’s not real,” Myles Kilnes ‘16 said. “Feminism is an excuse of women to be mad at men.”
Kilnes doesn’t agree with the ideologies of feminism, but he also doesn’t agree with the principles of meninism. Kilnes sees the issues genders face as a part of humanity and living, believing that everyone faces challenges, although there is a difference in how each sex handles them. Kilnes argues that women are simply more outspoken about their challenges.
Boltz also sees invalidity in the views set forth by meninism, stating that it is a creation of men feeling threatened by women not putting up with their harassment.
“You don’t need to create [meninism],” Boltz said. “It’s basically fighting women, and it’s just [men] thinking that they are being suppressed.”
While Boltz disregards the validity of meninism, and Kilnes views feminism and meninism to be illegitimate, Jesse Nordman ‘15 acknowledges the existence of both.
“[Meninism is] kind of the same thing as feminism,” Nordman said. “I’m pretty much neutral for both. If you want to be a feminist, be a feminist. Want to be a meninist? Then be one.”
He regards the philosophies to be similar since, although he associates feminism to be for women and meninism to be for men, their goals are in theory the same..
Meninism focuses on hardships men face, and a majority of men feel as though girls exaggerate their problems and refuse to see what men go through as well. Societal expectations seem to limit men from being emotional or associating themselves with anything considered to be overly feminine.
“Women are viewed as nurturers and men are viewed as suppliers,” Nordman said. “But I guess it could be either way. Men can be nurturers, too.”
Nordman extends gender stereotypes to sports and the idea that men belong on the field and women belong in the kitchen, disregarding societal boundaries.
“There are all these stereotypes,” Nordman said. “I don’t believe in stereotypes. Be who you want.”
Similarly, Kilnes doesn’t feel the societal pressure to fit into gender stereotypes or to be someone he isn’t. He points out that, while he considers himself to be a tough football player through his passion for the sport, he’d just as likely be a dancer if he had the capability.
His ability to be himself is led through his self confidence, a trait women notoriously, and stereotypically, lack. While confidence doesn’t make him feel superior to women, he notes that many women view themselves to be above men.
“Guys face women saying we’re inconsiderate [jerks] and we know nothing and we’re terrible to society,” Kilnes said. I definitely see men and women as equal. I feel like in a school like this we face the same obstacles and we all get fair treatment. I don’t see sexism happening in the school because I feel like each sex faces different problems.”
Boltz disagrees, acknowledging that, while men definitely have problems they deal with, women face much harsher challenges on a daily basis. For example, she feels that she has been viewed as less intelligent because she wears skirts and dresses “girly”. This is an example of slut shaming, where a woman is essentially shamed by society for her choice in wardrobe alongside her sex life.
Kilnes counters Boltz’claim stating that, a woman’s outfit doesn’t demote her intelligence or sexuality; it increases educational performance.
Nordman shares a different viewpoint on an individual’s choice in wardrobe.
“I feel like you should be able to wear whatever you want,” Nordman said. “If you want to be nude, you ahead and be nude, walk around naked, that’s up to you.”
Nordman is accepting of diversity, and doesn’t limit it to a specific gender; he doesn’t support double standards.
Women see that men are ridiculed for pursuing passions that may not be viewed as masculine to society. Many women don’t view that to be a legitimate challenge, yet many women complain that society does not allow them to be themselves either, tagged with unequal pay, sexualization and discrimination.
On top of that, men are often falsely stereotyped to be inconsiderate jerks who use women without an ounce of respect.
“If you’re a super supreme [feminist], like you think you’re better than men, and that men are total scum, then I will argue with you.” Nordman said. “I will tell you your spot and my spot.”
The debate about gender equality is harrowing and moves in endless circles. This is because each gender faces issues. Women may always believe that they face much rougher issues and men may always disagree, or agree and let the obstacles take their course.
*Co-Writer
published April 2015
A DAY ON PEARL STREET
THE UNTOLD STORIES OF DAY-TRIPPERS IN BOULDER
Everyone is a storyteller waiting for an audience. For this feature, my team and I started conversations with strangers on Pearl Street, an outdoor mall in Boulder, Colorado, and asked them questions, unearthing their stories. We were inspired by This American Life's "24 Hours at the Golden Apple." My goal with this was to make readers feel an emotional connection with someone they didn't know, and to realize the beauty and intricacy behind every human life.
11:46 am
The East End, Pearl Street & 15th Street
If Pearl Street Mall had a soundtrack, it would be the rapid, staccato beating of African drums ricocheting down the brick street, drawing in tourists and day-trippers like bees to honey.
Aged yet dexterous fingers skip and roll across the goatskin hide of the drums, called djembes. The musician is masked, he wears one unchanging expression carved into the wood. But the music he creates is anything but emotionless. As the African people say, he makes the drum talk.
Some pedestrians snap a quick photo. Others stop and listen. Children abandon the hands of their parents to dance clumsily on short toddler legs. “To see them happy makes me really happy,” the drummer said. “When I see them dancing, and they feel it, then I know I’m doing something. And that’s all that matters. I don’t care if there’s people who think I don’t play well, if I play too well, or not well enough, as long as the children love it, that’s all that matters.”
He uses four djembes: three made in Ghana, the other from the Ivory Coast. He wears an abstract mask from Cameroon, and a string of shells crosses his chest, signifying resurrection of the soul and of the sun.
And the leather fringe? Pieced together with scraps of Ethan Allen furniture.
In front of the line of drums sits another, smaller drum, empty and filled with wrinkled dollar bills. “Doesn’t she look like a lady?” the man says. “She’s like a lady there.”
The assembly of seemingly random objects set up in front of the drums is called a santeria in some countries. The lighter represents the sun. The grain and water are for remembering and thanking ancestors. The shells represent the ocean, “where [humans] came from.”
This is what can be seen. But behind the mask, there is a man whose father is from the West Indies, whose mother is from New Orleans, who was born and raised in New York City but was desperate to escape the suffocating smog and hostility. “It can be a terrible place and it can be a nice place for some, but I needed to get out [to Colorado]. It was just too nasty. Too dirty, too nasty, too noisy, just not a nice place. The vibes are bad on the east coast, period. I love Colorado. Back East, I would have never had a young lady like you come up to me and want to speak to me. That’s how tense it is.”
A man who is a proud father to his three daughters and one son.
A man who was at his absolute worst after his mother died. “She is my goddess. I feel as though you can’t have God without a goddess. You have to have them both. She’s our first teacher, our mother,” he said.
A man who, when asked to give his best piece of advice, says to “make the world a better place as much as you can, and do good things that uplift people. Your work should be something that helps people, rather than slaving for someone else, and you never see the fruit of your work. Everyone else sees the fruit of your work. I tell my kids, do what you love to do, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
A man who begins every Saturday and Sunday by putting on a wooden mask and saying, “Let’s hope the drums are sounding good out in the sun.”
published October 2014
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
TEEN DATING CULTURE STIRS UP CONTROVERSY
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I started noticing late in my junior year that many people in my school had abandoned orthodox dating for what is often called a "friends with benefits" relationship. This story investigates students' experience with these relationships, their attitudes about the subject, and the moral and emotional questions that come into play with this trend. Many people, especially teachers, pushed back against a story on teen romance and sex because it "wasn't newsworthy." I, however, think that this is an important issue, even if it is taboo and some people aren't comfortable with the topic, because it is something a lot of people feel is not good for our hearts, something that is leading our generation astray from traditional values of love and trust.
There’s no heart next to his name in her phone. They don’t talk much at school, spare for the occasional question regarding the math homework.
They don’t say “hello” in the hallways—and they definitely don’t walk together. But they talk more than most people think, and their relationship reaches far beyond what most people expect.
Ellie Parker and Tom Greene, both of whose names have been changed for personal privacy, are involved in what is generally known as a “friends with benefits” relationship; they have a casual sexual relationship without emotional involvement or monogamous commitment.
“I definitely think it’s more of a thing where he noticed me in the halls or whatever, but there wasn’t really anything there until after [we had sex],” Parker said. “Just because literally, I knew his name and that’s basically it—I didn’t know anything else about him.”
This type of relationship is not uncommon. The culture of teenage sex is a lot more ambiguous than the traditional idea that sex is limited to two people, in love, having been together long enough to know they trust each other to sustain their relationship.
Casual sex is the result of an ever-changing youth, interested in trying new things and pushing boundaries.
These types of relationships can get pretty sticky, especially if the emotional attachment is unclear. “I have developed feelings in this kind of situation, and it honestly just sucks,” one student said, “It was hard to maintain that lifestyle.”
On the surface, many see the concept as a plausible option for avoiding the development of emotions and further complication.
“I think it would probably be easier, just because you don’t have that emotional connection, and you can just use each other for [your] bodies...that’s probably easier than the build-up for an emotional connection,” Nick Rosser ‘16 said. “Friends with Benefits is no big deal to people, while relationships are kinda taken seriously, and people actually build up to that physical connection.”
Others tend to think that casual sex doesn’t usually work out.
“I think that sex is inherently an emotional experience,” Mara Strother ‘16 said, “so I think in a relationship you should have emotional strength between the two people in order to have that sexual relationship.”
When asked if friends with benefits situations are more complicated, Jonah Staton ‘17 replied, “Absolutely, and eventually, emotions are just going to evolve over time. You can’t just hold that back.”
Varying beliefs also extend to students who think sex without strings attached is dangerous, foolish, and unethical.
“For me it’s just kind of a moral to wait, once you’ve been able to get to know that person and you’ve made that decision out of love alone,” said Emily Carlson ‘16.
The opinions students hold about sex can become their identity. This extends as far as calling people out: “she’s a slut,” “he’s a player,” “she’s a prude.” As a result, many students are frustrated with the contrast between the sexual interactions of guys and girls.
“I think that if guys are gonna have sex and be the hero of the school, then girls should be able to have sex with everyone on the football team and be the heroine,” Lyle Cooper ‘17 said. “It’s important for girls to be able to do what they want and hopefully our society rears and goes in a direction where girls can have sex just as much as guys do—because it’s the same. Calling us [girls] sluts is so old-fashioned.”
On the upside, name calling is losing its significance. People are shifting towards more understanding approaches, saving judgement for after they get to know others.
Parker felt this way about Greene.
“He’s actually a really nice guy—he’s not what people think he is, like a total jerk. I’m glad he is the person he is, because I thought he was a jerk [too],” she said.
Madrid Mitton ‘17, also challenged the norms of social labelling.
“I think all of those are really ridiculous, and [calling names] make everyone’s lives complicated—especially if you have a romantic interest. They carry way too much stigma for them to really be valid,” Mitton said.
“I think it’s stupid,” Staton said. “I don’t really think anyone should be super involved in anybody else’s business—unless of course [they are] in fact involved. I don’t see the point in making someone else feel [bad] because [they] want to,” he said. “ A lot of people do what they want to do. If someone wants to be involved in a sexual relationship with multiple different people, it doesn’t make her a slut. It’s what she wants to do. It’s her choice.”
At the beginning nothing was expected to happen between Parker and Greene. After all, he had just noticed her in the hallway once or twice.
“I was hanging out with my friends, and she brought Tom up—so we [talked] about him. All of a sudden, he started snapchatting her as we were talking about him, so it was kinda like ‘whoa, that’s weird’,” Parker said. “Then he asked what we were doing that night. We just ended up hanging out. Then, there was alcohol involved...and later, it just kinda happened.”
Parker is by no means constraining Greene within their relationship, she’s made it clear that he’s not bound by anything.
“[I’ve said to him] look, ‘If you don’t genuinely like me, you can just be honest about it’, but he’s been open about it, like ‘No, I actually like talking to you, it’s fine’,” Parker said.
So far, Parker and Greene have illustrated a dynamic that may very well work—something that doesn’t have to be manipulative or unhealthy.
Some students still expect otherwise because of the stigma surrounding a “friends with benefits” relationship.
“I don’t know if it’s healthy,” Rosser said. “I wouldn’t recommend it, but I wouldn’t stop anyone from doing it. You’re just using the person, and you’re not really friends because friends have an emotional connection. If you’re just physical, then it’s just not healthy.”
Theoretically, teens enter into these situations to gain sexual experience and to gain some “wisdom” on the matter. More often than not, this causes them to be dragged into situations they are not yet ready for.
Zach Alas ‘17 recognized that sex varies for the people involved. “You know, everyone’s at different points in their life—they want different things,” he said. “I think they should just make the right choice for [themselves]—make sure they’re thinking it through.”
Students understand that it isn’t their place to put an expiration date on the different stages in someone else’s situation.
“When you’re both ready, when you both talk about it. It can’t just be like one person’s ready and one person’s iffy about it,” Rosser said. “Because then one person is still getting an advantage. [It] could be the first day, [it] could be in three years, but it just has to be when you’re ready.”
Teachers also realize that sex isn’t a concrete concept. It is tentatively based on a number of factors. Biology teacher Ms. Amy Williams shared her thoughts.
“You have to be realistic about it and realize that some kids are having sex, so the biggest thing for them would be education,” Williams said.
There’s no definitive way to determine the best time to have sex in a relationship. Varying opinions will always be the result of how people are raised and what they have experienced.
So that slut walking down the hall? She’s probably in a really difficult situation, trying to figure out whether or not to move forward with that guy who barely pays attention to her, or if she wants to confront and build her self respect.
As for Ellie and Tom, they will move at their own pace, learning and living just like we all do.
*Co-Writer
published October 2015
HOME IS
WHERE THE HEART(ACHE) IS
MARA '16 AND WREN STROTHER '17 COPE WITH COMPLEX, EMOTIONAL HOME LIFE
For a while in my junior year I planned to write a longform story about major issues that teenagers face - I called the idea "Teen Pandemics." But after interviewing multiple students about self-esteem, enduring the loss of a parent, and bullying, the staff decided that the content was better suited for our website, as a collection of emotional and real short stories.
Mara Strother ‘16 turns the keys in the ignition and drives down the street, watching her house shrink in the rearview mirror. Speeding down the asphalt, disregarding the speed limit, she is trying to escape the jail of her own home. The streetlights blur past. As her car screeches to a stop, the driver next to her may look over, see a heated teenage girl, assume she’s probably trying to get away from her overbearing parents, or maybe trying to rush back to her house before her curfew. Take your pick from the list of stereotypical teenage problems.
But she’s really trying to escape the screaming match going on at home.
Her sister, Wren Strother ‘17, yells at her parents with a hoarse and cracked voice. These sisters aren’t just filled with simple teenage angst. Over the past months, they have struggled to mend the rift threatening to tear their home apart.
Mara and Wren’s family life shattered to pieces when Wren was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and was admitted to Devereux Cleo Wallace psychiatric center this summer. Reassembling these shards has proven to be a slow and difficult process.
“Sometimes my house feels like a very weird prison,” Mara said. “Don’t take that the wrong way, but I don’t know, I guess my parents just keep to themselves, don’t really ask us how we’re doing, despite the fact that Wren is going through all these crazy things. They’re very good at sweeping things under the rug and acting like things are okay.”
“Obviously I was dealing with a lot of really heavy stuff at the time,” Wren said. “And my family just wasn’t being as supportive as they needed to be, and what I was going through ended up causing a lot of conflict with my family because they didn’t really know how to handle it, especially my parents.”
When their mother and Wren came home from what was supposed to be a normal checkup for Wren, the damage had already begun. The doctor had discovered that Wren was suicidal. “Mom was yelling at her and freaking out, and my sister was balling her eyes out,” Mara said. “My mom was demanding and ordering that she pack a bag and all these things because she was getting rushed to this hospital to get an evaluation to see whether or not she would be put into an institution... My immediate reaction, in that moment, was just to go down to my sister’s room, help her get ready, tell her I loved her, try to figure out what the heck was happening.”
Wren’s first stay at the hospital lasted only a few days, and when she arrived back at home, everything seemed fine. But after about a week, she relapsed, and had to go back to hospital for another two and a half weeks.
“I think we’re still kind of picking up the pieces, trying to stitch things back together,” Mara said. “And it’s really hard, I think, for my parents and I, trying to redefine a new normal and figure out what that is for us, because things are never going to be the same.”
“I don’t think any parents really know what to do in a situation like that, or any family in general,” Wren said. “You don’t expect your kids to be sad, or to struggle, and of course you don’t want that for your kids or your siblings. That’s just how it ended up being for me. It was kind of abrupt and unexpected.”
Behind the fuming face of the girl speeding down the street, behind the nonchalant expression of the girl sitting two seats over in math class, there are girls who have had to deal with poignant conflicts at home. Those faces conceal the eruptions of pain and loneliness that tore through these girls’ lives, leaving behind scars and tender wounds.